First posted on Myspace (it was fun there, learned a lot, thanks!!) in July 2008, the photo was taken around 1986 in my apartment in central Tokyo. In case you wonder, that is me in the reflection.
My 20’s was in 1980’s, and I spent large portion of the decade pretending I was in the 1960’s, thinking there was a genuine “creative””cultural””explosion”happening in the era I thought I “missed out” on.
The convex round mirror has a person’s name on it, the scribble was acquired at a meet and greet of a band I thought was very cool to “get”, looking back, I was falling in a trap of validating my coolness by liking a socially well recognized (but not too well, cuz you see, obscurity is also cool) figure in one of the “creative field”.
Trouble with the stance is that, the moment you out source your existential dilemma you end up compromising your creative freedom. But no worries, if you deeply desire such freedom Life will conspire and arrange circumstances that will catapult you out of such dependency. May hurt a bit but totally worth it.
My story, anyways. Took a bit while like everything else that is worthwhile to attain. Lemme quote myself…
“No more heroes; everybody off the pedestal.”
– me, a status on Myspace, 2006.
Published on February 16, last edited March 14, 2021.
i would like it some day, somehow i become a master like this artist
flow in the jizou moment and leave behind me
a little something someone can sit by
and know that everything’s cool, if only for a little while.
All photos from a blog “art is a process” (on blogger/blogspot, 2007-2012).
How time flies.
I published the first post on May 10, 2007. It was titled “in the beginning there are scribbles.” It was about a new project “Wing Dress”, the idea conceived while on the train, April 27, 2007, according to the post.
This was, apart from a few posts I shared on Myspace earlier in the decade, my very first blogging experiment. Started out writing about anything that caught my attention along with how the Wing Dress project was growing in detail, a bit like a kid reporting to mom about her exciting new discoveries.
Excerpt is from one of my later posts, my personal favorite I wrote about the neighborhood Jizous that are carved so simply yet masterfully, the carver/artist “must have been in his Jizou moment when he did it”.
(Simple is hard. Nowhere to hide. What’s in you spills out whether you like it or not.)
I learned with each post, to write with audience in mind, share candidly but also selectively, as in, tap into what wants to be spoken and flow with it (i.e. in “Jizou moment”), knowing I will never know what exactly I did, if I got it right.
It is from me but not about me, which is a practice easier said but I aspire, to this day, every step of the way.
Published first on March 24, 2022 at 03:07.
Revised, with long text on June 13, 2023 at 00:44.
“The path of love is a dynamic balance of opposites, a painful creative tension of uncertainties.”
All photos are of the apartment I lived in in Los Angeles, California, 1997. Initially posted on my website, possibly on MySpace and Flickr as well, around late 2006.
The jacket in the top pic is a meticulously patchworked circuit-board inspired abstract design, precursor to my “Dyed Threads” series. The piece is called “Mao Jacket”, as it was designed after the socialist Chinese uniform, there, my own variety of un-obvious socio-cultual commentary and conceptual twist in their budding stage. The person in mirror is my then-self, to whom I will give a warmest, sweetest bear hug after I’m done writing this.
The fancy text below the photo 1 is a line from “People of the Lie” (M Scott Peck, 1983, p.267, Chapter 7. The Danger and The Hope / A Methodology of Love).
The second from top is a snap shot of my dining table, in small kitchenette by the window where I did lots of stitching. My bestie Sofi who was a canine creature at the time of photographing used to take refuge beneath it. Facing right, half showing is one of my 2D abstract (acrylic on cardboard, 1995-ish), using lines in multiple colors attempting to depict Energy/Movements I see in my mind’s eye.
The last one is the view from the rooftop, taken on one of those warm southern California evening. I moved there in late 1980’s when West Hollywood Oki Dog was still in its original location. When there were not much tall buildings so the sky above greeted everyone open and wide, when the city of Angels itself was the wild side in its own right, offering the likes of me about a ton of spaces to jump in, be silly to the max, and push it to the edge. I am a firm believer that, if aspired to create beauty one cannot just look at pretty things in Light*. I wanted to feel the otherwise, come alive in it, not so that I will rot in a swamp but to survive it somehow and bring the experiences to the creative table where I’d stitch, draw, paint, freely envision while my toes resting on the soft thick coat of the beautiful creation I had the honor to share residence with; a potent reminder of what is True overseeing lovingly, the painfully petit existence of mine.
*Please be noted: what I share here is my experience. Each of us, as you may be well aware, is in charge of keeping oneself safe.
Simply because no-one else can know your strength: psychological, spiritual, physical, emotional and more. Knowing that oneself is hard enough. From my experience tho, my soul/heart would know, and to be guided from within I need only to ask. In order to sense/hear It’s subtle directions however, to the best of my ability, I’ve got to not lie to myself about the realities of my existence. That, between me and Me, I must enough-grasp, at very least not look away from, my own truth. Then I have the best chance at keeping myself “safe” – as Life is not always safe, and clutching onto safety too tightly it seems to negatively affect one’s creative freedom and quite paradoxically, punch security holes in the person’s existential firewall.
History
Published:
13Oct22 @20:32 JST
Edits:
16Oct22 Added the quote in fancy text.
