Intro:
Welcome to the Part 5 of Creative Self Exploration. Can you believe we are already at the halfway point of the year?
In this section, we are going to dive into yet another aspect of who you are: your memories. This time, instead of visuals, we’ll use words as the creative-expressive instrument.
Each week, I will propose a theme, an angle to focus. You then dive into the ocean of your life experiences and bring back to present, what is the most significant/applicable memory/experience, and describe it in one word.
You can describe in emotional quality (e.g. happy, sad, sulking, smiles, tears, etc…) or something related to the memory (e.g. violet, Vienna, windowsill, exhaust, zoology…). What is important here is that you choose the word that stands out in your mind/awareness the most. Not what’s pragmatic, presentable, proper, but what appeals to you the most, even if it doesn’t make sense to you, let alone anyone else.
This is, has been in fact, an exercise to generate fun, as in a form of spirited energy/state perhaps, requiring mostly only your self. In other words, this is not an exam, hence you cannot “fail” it.
It’s you following your creative hunch and initiating the process, then letting the results happen.
Repeat this interplay of effort and letting go and you may soon find yourself strolling through…
Infinity is a Meadow where every imaginable flowers bloom.
Let’s make a bouquet!!
Please Be Noted: If, at any point, you feel overwhelmed or get other strong responses from you, please take care and discontinue / choose easier memory instead. Read more in Introduction page – scroll down to “Few Important Notes”.
( in reverse chronological order )
Week 30: Your Life as a Poetry
July 27, 2024
Welcome back Dear Visitor!!!
This week, we are concluding the Part 5 of a year-long project “Creative Self Exploration”, run by myself, Yuko Nagai, who has been (pretty much) solely following her Creative Hunches/Intuition/Inspirations.
As of this writing it is already Saturday July 27, 2024 at 4 minutes past 3pm. Finally got to sit and start writing just about now (read: running late). Few minutes ago I hang a sheet of paper with 5 words on it, from the last five weeks’ exercises.
So why not suggest that you do the same. Please…
Bring out your 5 words written down on a special place/sheet of paper.
Lay it in front of you, pin it on a wall facing you, etc….
Allow yourself to take a moment, take in the words, memories, experiences.
If you can let yourself feel “it/them” on a deep layer of you, deeper than emotions/thoughts, than where we are usually at as we go about our day-to-day lives.
Please if possible, take time as you (relaxedly) focus.
…As these words are there to represent aspects of your life. Your story.
Any word(s) stands out more than others? Any that you want to look away?
Do you see a pattern? Theme?
How does the whole thing feel to you? Can you put it in one word?
Example: the whole thing feels “Beautiful”.
Write the word you just came up with and now you got 6 words.
Perhaps slowly, put the words into a short poem, like a haiku.
Write on the same place/paper as your 5/6 words.
You can either do it (turn them into a poetry) with 5 words or include the 6th word.
Or, go with the 5 words, with the overall impression in one word you just came up with as a guide to feel your way into it.
In fact I just made mine, made with 6 words, added an extra “to” and “-“ (hyphen not emoji) so it flows. It is now 3:29pm. Do I like it? In fact I do. A lot.
I may or may not show this to someone, but I see it – as a trace of my footsteps, seeing it from an angle that is new to me.
Ideas:
You can look at some or all words as characters (e.g. “beautiful” is made of 9 alphabetical characters), disassemble the words into characters and put them together into another word – in such case the 6th word comes in handy – to keep the “feel” on the track (e.g. play with words freely but stay on the overall feel of “beautiful”).
Please feel free to experiment in ways you see fit. No-one is coming to grade nor downvote.
If you find yourself unliking your masterpiece, and if it is too loud you cannot ignore you, jot down what you have to say as criticism somewhere, acknowledge your voice that you heard it, and set it aside for now if you can / as much as you can.
Creative Freedom (CF hereafter) isn’t always easy or accessible, but you have it within, your potential for it calling you, especially if you are giving these exercises a try (I feel honored – Thank You) . Especially when you are Longing For It*.
*CF not limited to what is conventionally considered to be “creative” – can be like the Original You calling out for you, the part of you that is the one and the only, once in the history of the Universe…you.
Unlocking your CF** may require some undoing, maybe in near future, may take some time undoing, but the process of which will soon become so fulfilling on its own, every step towards your CF becomes your beautiful story, unfolding as you travel forward.
**My take on this is that, you can unlock your CF enough to create freely for instance, but there will always be what counters CF within oneself – which may be what propels a person to CF to start with. Just my five yen thrown in to say, no perfection required.
For now though, if you can set aside your own counter force (that wants to give you a downvote) for a moment and put together a poem for yourself – I think you can do it – and take notes of all the criticism you hear within yourself for future references (they are giving you hints), I think you’d come up with a poem that makes you smile, if not this moment, maybe even very soon.
After all, I don’t know how your experience would/should be like. I am here only to act on my hunch and write down as inspired/instructed. That being said, I want you to know this:
Your Life like Unfolding Petals,
of a Beautiful Blossom no one has ever seen.
Now we have concluded the Part 5: Past. Present. Poetry. It has been a pleasure writing these exercises to you. And an invaluable learning experience.
Next three weeks we will have a Summer/Winter Break. I have no clue as to how to proceed after that (kinda like how I started this week :) but will come up with something interesting and new. In a few days I will post some “homework” ideas during the break. FUN ideas, possibly to enhance your summer/winter.
Til then, and Thanks again!!
Week 29: Restore
July 20, 2024
When you hear the word “restore”, how does it sound to you? How do you define it?
According to Thesaurus, “restore” can mean:
rebuild, reestablish, revitalize, rescue, recover, renew, revive, redeem, refresh, retouch, rejuvenate, reintroduce…….. (there’re more at thesaurus.com)
This week, the last of the Part 5: Past. Present. Poetry., I first ask you to choose the definition that clicks with you. When you’re ready…
Find a place/time, where you can be peacefully focused for a while.
As we have done last four weeks, go over in your mind, your life experiences seeking for ones that make you feel want to restore.
Choose one memory/experience that feels, perhaps, especially lit within your consciousness.
Next, choose one word that is perfect to assign/dedicate to the memory.
Write down in the way you want, the word you chose on the same special place you’ve written down the preceding four words.
Choosing, in this case, is not an analytical process. It is more about requesting yourself a memory/a word, then let the answer arise from within you.
Nothing wrong with “analytical” – just not the focus of these Part 5 exercises.
I talked about this too many times in previous weeks, so I touch on it lightly as a reminder.
“Restore” got an interesting flavor: restoring what was lost, destroyed, missed. What went wrong.
What didn’t connect, didn’t materialize. What had slipped through your fingers.
To hunt for a word to match your memory can be like fishing in a pond full of emotions, especially so this week.
You may or may not feel that way, but if you are about to be overtaken by your emotions, I recommend you try the following while working on this week’s theme:
blur your focus on the way the memory makes you feel, and continue to wait for the one word to surface from within your consciousness. You are neither pushing your feelings away nor letting yourself submerged in them.
Instead, as if listening to cicadas sing, you acknowledge them being there or may even be feeling them, but do so with a certain distance while keeping your focus on the deep pond of your consciousness, waiting for that one word coming up from the depth of it.
I am suggesting an experimental approach here (hence, “Creative Self Exploration” ;). If some of your memories make you feel you wish to “restore” them, then there is something ‘active’ about the memories. Nothing wrong with that. However.
In this exercise we are not trying to resolve/ forget/ heal them. Instead, attempting to crown, as in honor, it – your memory/feeling/wish – with a word of your choice.
Restore, may be the most “ambivalent” of all Part 5 themes, quite poetic, perhaps. That is also quite perfect because, next week, we will be concluding the Part 5 with a really fun experiment using all five words we have chosen. We are writing a poem!!!
That will be the poem of your lifetime, however long you have been on this planet.
The lifetime that happens only once in the history of the Universe.
I conclude every week with a line or two of statement in a large fancy font.
I write them as an encouragement, for looking within can require extra oomph.
Not meant to be self-worship tho, but more self appreciation. Respect.
It’s a reminder, in case someone needs it, that…
You Alone hold the Key to your Treasure Chest;
Trust, Dare, and Greet the Jewels of your Existence.
Don’t forget to come by next week, it will be a blast!!
Week 28: Recoil
July 13, 2024
recoil (verb)
to draw back; start or shrink back, as in alarm, horror, or disgust.
—dictionary.com
This week’s theme can be a bit challenging; we are diving into our memory bank fishing for what makes us recoil.
(Allow me to repeat) I recommend you take on this week’s exploration only if you feel able to handle it. In other words, nothing wrong with taking a break as in skip this week’s work, or choose milder memory of the sort.
Ready? Let’s get started!
Find a calm moment alone with yourself and begin, scanning your life experiences for the memories you feel you recoil* from.
Perhaps gradually, narrow them down to one that stands out to you the most.
Ideally without getting into specifics about the memory, ask yourself what would be the one word to give/dedicate/assign to the experience.
Let the answer / the word surface from within you, and when it does, write on the special place you’ve written the previous three words on.
*Recoil – also can be, avoid, deny, ignore, push away…
Let bygones be bygones…is a saying I’ve learned fairly recently. In other words, I am not at war with the ‘bygone’ concept. Then why suggest we dig up the discomfort from the past???
Many of you may agree, life as a human in this society can be quite wounding, at least at times. If you still have the “recoil” reaction to a specific memory, then quite possibly, what made you feel that way has not been fully resolved**. Unresolved experiences that make you feel that way, have tendency to affect you in ways that are hard for you to detect.
**Resolved – as in, made peace within yourself regardless of what goes on outside of you regarding the matter at hand.
If the memory like that, is eager to make itself known to you this week, then it may be the sign it is ripe and ready to be resolved – so you can travel this life with a lighter stride. Since this is a “Creative Self Exploration”, I am recommending a simple exercise to possibly remedy-shift some of it through the power of Creativity.
One more time, that is if you feel ready to tackle. Not to scare you but if you proceed, there may be some remembering for you to do*** after this week’s exercise – which can be painful. I ask you to pay close attention to how you feel about the memory – even a subtle sense of overwhelm, such as heavy-heartedness, consistent unsureness, etc. I beg you not to ignore.
***Just to share with you one of the tools I’d use: EFT (emotional freedom technique / tapping on acupuncture points), utilizing the power of our neural networks, known to effectively shift/solve phobias, complex/trauma, etc..
You can do it anywhere, easy to learn on your own and get results (ton of free resources online), also many options to hire practitioners if you prefer. From my experience, oft. enough effect be felt relatively quickly, although is not an instant magical cure.
I am not sponsored by no one / this is purely a suggestion – in case you be left hangin’ with your emotions.
On the other hand, if you feel nervous but eager, and you feel consistently sure-footed, I’d say it’s a good sign but that’s me talking from where I am at. I cannot know where you are at. But You Know You, your limits, readiness. After all, that has been the theme of the whole thing (of “Creative Self…”) to start with.
So…is pain bad? Is it better if all is sunshine and smiles on fluffy clouds?
When contemplating the subject as such, I think of what I learned from practicing photography:
Light and Shadow Together, Create a Beautiful Picture.
Creativity has a habit of doing exactly that; to turn your suffering into a powerful asset, your life into a solid canvas.
Hope this week’s exercise haven’t repelled you much – have a fab week!!
Week 27: Remember
July 06, 2024
This week, we are going to find a life experience to remember, and a single word to dedicate to the experience.
As we have done in previous two weeks….
Find time/space to be, that’s suitable for reflecting on your life.
As if to type in search words, ask yourself for memories/experiences you either know you will, or you wish to, remember.
Choose one that feels most significant to you, and without getting into why it is so, request from you a word most suited for the experience.
Write down the word on the same special place as the last two weeks.
The experience can be a delightful one or otherwise. If it is particularly traumatic for instance, I urge you to make sure you feel able to handle the feelings associated with the memory.
(I talked about this in length previous two weeks so I keep it short here.)
As for the word – it can be the word best describes the experience, a perfect match for the experience, you are naming the experience like giving it a title, etc. etc…
All this may sound vague but basically, what I’m suggesting is you ask yourself ‘open’ kind of question such as, “what would be the one word I choose for the experience?” – and sense your answer rises in your awareness like a surfacing submarine.
By the way…
The Part 5: Past. Present. Poetry. is not about “dwelling in the past”.
It is about exploring our consciousness as a super computer – super wise, super kind.
I wouldn’t know why you’d pick a particular memory. But you might.
Or you may not understand neither but the word surfaced from within you may make sense to you in a way so unexpectedly perfect, catch you by nice surprise, even if the memory itself isn’t exactly nice.
You see, there’s something about asking oneself – and receiving a response from within.
A memory. A word. Emerging from the depth of you like a whale in the deep would.
(I find it wondrous I hope you would too)
In any case…
Possibilities are limitless when you
Befriend the Mystery Within
and you’ll soon discover, you got an ally, loyal for life.
Have a wonderful week!!
Week 26: Re-Do
June 29, 2024
Are there life experiences you wish to re-do, if you could?
This week we focus on such experiences.
We’ll go through the same process as we did last week.
Please refer (back) to it if/when needed by scrolling down a bit, it’s a short read.
Get quiet within yourself, and scan through your past experiences/memories for what you wish to re-do.
Select the one that stands out to you the most.
Get real quiet and find one word that best represent the experience.
Write down the word on the same special place as you did last week.
Re-doing what you had, doesn’t have to mean, you regret.
Can be that you are more curious as in, “What if?”. Or adventurous. Eager, to experiment.
Re-doing here means, to revisit and do it differently.
Either a little, or a whole lot diff, but you wanna do diff, alter the experience some.
How you’d like it to be instead, is not the concern of this week’s exercise. That’d be too long a story, but mostly because I am suggesting we bypass the rhyme/reason and tap into what feels right.
Re-Doing may not feel as fun as the last week’s Re-Living.
May make you feel more hesitant, heavy-hearted, possibly.
I’d say, little bit of such discomfort would be alright. As long as you feel you can handle it.
(Please be honest with yourself; sometimes courage means admitting to yourself you have limits – at least for the time being.)
Name the experience through your discomfort. Crown it with the one word you’d like to dedicate to.
One suggestion I just came up with, regarding the writing down of the word(s).
It doesn’t have to be written in order, tidy like a list. Unless that is what you want.
You can write like you are drawing, upside down against each other. Perpendicular, if you prefer.
No need to write in same size, same language, same style with same pen each week.
Do it just the way you want, allow yourself as much freedom, write with your fingers, elbow, foot!, use a twig esp. if the word is “twig”…
No need to be readable to anyone other than you.
No fairies will be harmed during the process.
Get Real Quiet within;
witness your Creative Freedom blossom.
When you choose your one word, you are giving a name to one such blossom.
Best Wishes to you, from me and the fairies!
Week 25: Re-Live
June 22, 2024
Do you have a past experience you want to re-live, over and again?
This week, we are going to pick one memory/experience that makes you feel exactly that.
Find a place secluded enough to sit with yourself for a while.
Scan through your life experiences and ask: what is the experience I’d like to re-live*?
Ask, get quiet and wait for the answer to emerge from within you.
Without analyzing** as to why, ask yourself another question: what would be the one word that best describe the memory/experience?
Again, wait for the answer.
When you get the word, write it down on somewhere that feels special to you.
*“Re-living” here, means, you want to re-experience as it exactly was.
**This can be hard, but doing your best is enough. If something is very loud, e.g. “the reason why I wanna re-live is because I wanna re-do what happened, I feel incomplete til then!!”. In such case, please kindly hear your voice and jot down what it says, and go back to this week’s asking & waiting business.
The memory doesn’t have to be (unless it is, of course) the usual happy ones, like the best vacation, sweetest romance, biggest windfall, etc. (My suggestions are kept emotionally neutral for this purpose.)
The word can be descriptive of the way you feel, or what is specifically significant to the memory.
The wait can be 10 minutes, 10 hours or a few days. Please do not feel rushed though, if possible. Good enough answers will most probably arrive within the time frame of this exercise. Nothing has to be perfect. Emphasis of this exercise is on asking, waiting/trusting (enough) and listening/hearing your answers, not on getting them perfectly accurate.
As for listening and hearing, the volume of your response may require your delicate attention. The replies to these questions may arrive like a feather.
If you are like how I used to be***, you may feel nervous about mishearing the answer. Or not getting them within a week, or not getting them at all. If that’s the case…..
If ‘misheard’, so what. That then is your memory/word that is right at this time.
If answers are late, that then is okay too. That’s how things are, for now.
Leave them blank, if they didn’t come to you at all. What’s blocking you from your answers today, may be wanting to make itself known first.****
In any case, it is way more important that you asked you, and waited for you.
***I said, “I used to be”, not to talk at you from a high horse. My skill improved over time, much better at it now although never perfect – but I do remember the struggle.
****If it feels too overwhelming (I know I’m repeating myself but hey, allow me!), do not push yourself and seek self care measures ( that include help from others). My experience is that I become aware of such (what blocks me, etc) only when I am ready to resolve it. I shouldn’t and would not speak for everyone though.
I have a sneaking suspicion however, that there’s a high chance that you’ll know what you need.
Never underestimate the Potential of your Creative Intelligence;
It knows the way, to Infinity and back.
Lastly, you may ask, what’s this “somewhere special” business?
Save your answer like a password, is what I meant to say.
For it kinda is, to the deeper layer of your existence.
Hope you’ll enjoy this week’s exercise.
See you in a week!
