Summer 2023. Discovered what I really wanted all these years was to be…
One word poems from top, (date photographed / edited&posted on VSCO):
Thine – (14Aug23 / 14Aug23)
August – (Layered sky 31Jul23, feather drawing sometime from 2007 / 12Aug23)
Present – (27Jun18 / 18Jun23)
Published on September 07, 2023 at 19:01.
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My long-time favorite swimming pool photographed using iPhone 3GS in August 24, 2012 at 9:34am, posted on VSCO on August 9, 2020.
This is an outdoor 50m pool I’ve swam in for a very long time, up until 2019.
Strange, that summer I had a feeling, things will be very different the next year on.
Up until that year I pretty-much kept to myself but in 2019, I shared the excitement of mid summer outdoor laps with a small group of enthusiasts. The last day there were 3 of us quietly doing laps until the closing time, but I feel, the sentiment of the summer swim days coming to an end was mutually shared, and I think I experienced the substantial side of humanity I’d call “emotional depth” that made the summer all the more memorable.
This also is the pool I photographed using throw-away waterproof cameras, that turned into a Lo-Fi abstract “Pool Series (1999-2004)”, and did, so far the only show – a group photography show exhibiting the series, in Los Angeles, CA., which was a great experience and received generous, encouraging feedbacks especially from other photographers at the show.
The why’s regarding it being the only show I have quite well-thought-out reasons for that, but I had to do it once so I know it’s not fear dictating my such unconventional “career move”.
I’d like to take time and appreciate Mr.S, now retired, who took care of the place during the time period, for making a gracious exception to the “no camera” rule – allowed only while I’m alone. He kept the water notably clear – said he learnt from zero on his own to keep it so. Pristine water no doubt was the big part of inspiration.
Written and published on: February 22, 2022.
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Annabelle, I waited
in this Kingdom of the Winged
From top:
P1 – A warm day in early February 2020, a phone snapshot taken to remember. Edited with VSCO Cam, a mono version posted on VSCO on May 10th, 2020.
P2 – Also a warm day in summer 2018, edited and posted on VSCO, July 12, 2019.
I bring all that stuff but usually end up just sitting there looking at stuff.
Decorative text in the middle is Poe “Annabel Lee” deconstructed / expanded in the direction I wanted. It’s part of my ongoing “messing with other people’s poems” experiments.
Published here on March 12, 2021.
Edited on June 04, 2022 with a new photo, a poem, a new direction.
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Note on August 23, 2022:
Flowers in the above photo were cut by someone else and were withering on the ground, turning black. I gathered them and brought them back to my room where they revived themselves brilliantly.
Painting footage were recorded on October 18 mostly and on 20th.
Black and white, sea-less, soundless version was upped to IG on June 28, 2019.
The one you see here is the revised, relatively fancier version, edited on 29Mar22 ~ 03Apr22.
I use iMovie, always have. I am aware of fancier editing tools but I haven’t gotten around to study them. Reasons? One-woman show with time limitations and priorities.
The piece in progress is called Spider Lily Red – Flare 1.
Published on April 03, 2022.
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Sea gives and gives.
In the world filled with those who think free means worthless.
Top 2: taken 18Jun2019, posted on vsco 19Jun19.
The 3rd f. top: taken and posted on vsco on 27Mar2018.
You are welcome to comment, by the way. Would be lovely.
Marketers spamming won’t be published though.
History
Published: February 20, 2021.
Edited: February 16, 2023 Added the 3rd photo and revised the top 2 with “hazy candy” edit.
In case you wondered, what I mean by hazy candy-tone, is the tone of the sunsets of the season, spring to early summer, as vaporized sea mist giving the smoky hue while the rest of the colors somehow seem to come alive.
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From Top:
Pic#1 – photographed late 2015 and edited and shared on VSCO onDecember 05, 2017.
Pic#2 – photographed late 2015 and uploaded to my personal FB profile on December 18, 2017.
This post is being compiled on March 07, 2022.
How time flies.
Speaking of flying…
The swans fly in each year just as the real winter sets in, around mid to late December. They leave sometime in March, and when they do I will know. How do I know that?
They talk amongst each other as they head north flying right above my room, and perhaps because of their long neck working as a horn, their voice I can hear even with my windows closed, loud like trumpets although they fly quite high above. I find it adorably humorous, and subtly so if I smiled it would be too much.
The thing about the creatures of the wild – their independence – they are not of this society. And having to settle for just observing them from distance makes me feel the particular sense of longing…just like the creative kind of longing, reaching for the almost attainable, the longing, the reaching…
I don’t want to taint this post with the latest in the local swan situation. Briefly though, the recent years’ swan feeding frenzy – with white bread of all things, seemed to have changed the wild creatures into a flock of domesticated animals, numbers doubled, waiting in shallows for next crumbs to fall on them.
(I posted a few more 2015 pics on VSCO also in 2017 – when I could still find humor in the situation. Links to the post 1 and 2.)
On a hopeful note…
While there the last time, I spotted about three swans floating away from the feeders and the flock, poised and elegant like they used to appear short 7yrs prior. White breads are like designer drug, refined, processed, chemical compounds made to lure you back into consuming more of them. Evidently they had enough power to override the natural instinct of the wild and winged, but not all were smitten, at least that afternoon. Us humans are a bit like that too.
So ironic tho, for some say the feeding brings out a sense of competition and aggressivity among swans. Again, a bit like us humans’ been thru… in any case.
Swans would make the perfect catalyst; after all they are the ones who know how to find the way.
Published: March 08, 2022 at 02:08. Better get to bed.
Edited: March 09, 2022 – added a paragraph after “hopeful note” – doubling down on hope.
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…and Creativity beckoned.
From Top:
1 – With my first digital camera given to me at work, in my apartment with a view of Mt. Fuji – the sun would set behind the Mt.Famous, with its rays fanning like a postcard divine shot, Kawasaki, Japan, November 5, 2005, just 10 days before moving out, away from what had grown too familiar.
What you see here is my kind of oceanic decor, to keep me connected with what was becoming increasingly important to me.
Originally posted on VSCO on November 23, 2017.
2 – Lunch break, Shinbashi, Tokyo, October 2005.
This image is uploaded the first time online here. Reason being, my trousers / legs look foreshortened in the most unflattering way. Took some time to get over myself in that regard.
I think it’s an interesting picture, a snapshot taken during a lunch hour expedition. I was at my last to date office job. It was also two years before the iPhone launch, if you recall, then we only had cell phones with texting and some limited browsing capabilities. Right behind me there is a public phone with a phone book hang beneath it.
Shinbashi was (as I don’t know how it’s been since the “new normal”) a bustling business district, commuter trains / subways jam-packed in the mornings, station attendants had to push people in so the door could close. Great place for lunch though; competition among eateries were quite high.
The colors of my (kind of office) attire are my favorite autumn tone then, and not “symbolism” if you are into speculating that sort of things. Now that I got on the subject like caressing a landmine…my line of thinking is that, Unwavering Positive Intent (UPI hereinafter) is stronger than any symbolism thingy. Just thought I’d share that with those of you inquisitive types.
UPI arguably, in any and all instances, is hard to pull. As you may have noticed, oft-present great gap between that and the reality could crush your spirit at any moment. For that extra resiliency/buoyancy I think it’d be helpful if one’s inner conflicts – e.g. dissatisfactions, disillusionments and other discordant ideas and emotions – are reasonably resolved – reasonably, for, as a living human I don’t think it is possible, or is even desirable to resolve them entirely.
So that Inspiration can have an easier time flowing through you like a Loyal Guide who knows you the most, and always in your corner rooting for you.
Personally, I UPI proudly imperfectly. I do my best for the day, then go consult with The Sea, now just a short stroll away.
The “T Shirt” (circa 2000) is an earlier version of my “painted” series – red silk chiffon is double layered with different parts of letter “T” painted. I chose T because the letter looked like a cross, altho it is not. It’s a play, it is being creatively flirty.
What I noticed for the first time ever as I write this on May 18, 2023 is the T behind me right above my head, with its axis perfectly aligned with the lowercase t on an inner layer inlay of my shirt. One of them coincidences, yet again.
(Creativity Is Flirty!!)
The shoulder purse is the earlier version of “Flag Bags”, possibly another theoretical landmine.
Why do I do what I do, *standing in my truth alone out in the cold? There must have been way more secure and certain paths I could have chosen.
Time to time I’d ask myself knowing all too well why, and quite simply so: because Creativity beckoned.
Published on February 12, 2021.
Made private on December 30, 2022 at 20:35.
Re-published with the additional photo 2, revised text and title, and even new URL – bad practice, sorry for any inconveniences – on May 23, 2023 at 18:36.
*Note on 26May23: Just thought to add; not coming from a needy-martyr place. Hard to convey in online writing, but the flavor is teasingly lighthearted.
More on this in near future.
01Jul23: Added the line “(Creativity Is Flirty!!)”
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Evidently, I do this a lot. The “operation guerrilla cafe” (OGC hereafter).
That is, to bring my beverage to the location of the day, of my choice. Strictly solo.
Why, join me, come along for a virtual tour of Cafe Solitude.
(Beneath each photo is the time photographed / social post details.)
2019.07.31 at 18:55 / VSCO on 2020.04.19. The color of sunset was actually that pink.
2017.10.03 at 15:27 / VSCO on 2017.10.03.
2017.11.11 at 12:16 / VSCO on 2017.11.11.
2017.11.05 at 15:06 / VSCO on 2022.12.06.
2018.07.13 at 19:14 / IG story fall 2022.
Many had asked, “why so solo, lonely lady?”
Well, let me tell you you inquisitive lot. These are one of the most un-lonely times I’ve ever spent in my life.
Ever felt “lonely in a crowd”? On the wrong planet?? Imagine the absolute opposite.
(In facto, the question always made me a little sad; if being alone with yourself means “lonely”…)
During OGC what’s being set aside is “society”. Sitting by the Water, I am in direct contact with the Big Container. Look.
Conception sometime in Oct.-Nov.2022, drawn/photographed on 2022.12.27 / first time posting.
By mid 1990’s, I was at it for several years, digging up piles of debris that were burying alive the creativity I may or may not possess. Operating on blind faith, what guided me was the utter sense of suffocation.
Around that time someone suggested me a work book for (blocked) creatives called “The Artist’s Way”. Although I didn’t quite click with the writing style nor its cult-like status in the city of industry I resided in at that time, with the core concepts I did, so gave a diligent try through early 2000’s.
One of the exercises in the book is called “artist’s date”, as in, you take yourself out on a date, solo. No one gets to come along.
The practice was a familiar one. Since I was a young child I wandered the streets of suburban Tokyo, to be alone with wonder-full and awe-some, and I found them in little patches of untended lands between buildings. But too many others around me framed my such inclination as anti-collective hence negative. I was somehow, instinctively doing the right thing, to cultivate my creativity, to water the seed that was trying to sprout. The suggestion in the book was a validation arrived a little later, that told me I was not the only one. Not “anti-social” but “pro-creativity”- what I always knew in my heart, but doubt snuck in and stole my clarity.
By around 2006, the suffocation subsided. As of late 2022, I no longer care to know how I am doing as a “creative”. One thing I can say for certain: I did all this simply because I could not not to.
The book has a ton of very helpful quotes, and out of the ton the following stuck with me through my trying times, trying – to reclaim my creative freedom.
One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
– Andre Gide (The Artist’s Way, p.199 Week12. Recovering A Sense Of Faith)
…And please allow me to add:
You are the captain who knows the way.
– me, 2022.
2009.03.10. / on my website around the same time.
Published on December 29, 2022 at 17:39
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Photographed and uploaded to Flickr on January 28, 2015, revised edit made on February 14, 2021.
The purse itself was created circa 2004, out of vintage futon fabric I found during my visit to the island in early August 2003. The peak season with very few tourists, I was often alone, the only car on the road.
The place has a unique history as an island of exile, “…was a place of banishment for those who had fallen out of favor with the rulers of the day. More than 70 people—notably aristocrats and artists—were exiled here” (within “” from Smithsonian magazine).
Strange, felt like home there. I wrote a bit about my visit on: Dried persimmons from Sado Island made me think of.
Published on February 14, last edited on February 15, 2021.
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